The outgoing Chief Rabbi has criticised David Cameron for
not supporting marriage. Marriage
is indeed under pressure; as the Centre for Social Justice has demonstrated
that for those who are in financial difficulties, the tax advantages of
cohabiting discourage the commitment to marriage.
If a government were to support marriage it would need to
have a clear idea of what marriage actually means. To the secularist liberal it is reduced to a mere contract
between two consenting adults to remain faithful to one another. To the Church of England it is about
the three virtues of mutuality, fidelity and complementarity. The third of these is particularly
relevant to understanding marriage when one also looks at the etymological
origins of the word “marriage”.
It is always helpful to go back to the actual meaning of the
word as a means of seeing clearly through the obfuscation of politicians. Marriage as many will be aware comes
from the Latin maritare and matrimony
from the Latin matrimonium, which
are linked with the Latin word marita for married lady. All
these words can be linked etymologically with mater, which of course means “mother”. Therefore marriage
in its meaning is intrinsically linked with the idea of motherhood.
It is not a major leap from this to argue that to support
marriage governments should be supporting motherhood. That is why Chief Rabbi Lord Sachs is right to express his
concern that the Government seems to have prioritised women in the workplace
over the stay-at-home mother. To
be in favour of the stay-at-home mother does not mean that women should not be
allowed in the workplace, just as being in favour of marriage does not mean
other forms of commitment are invalid.
The Conservative Party itself has made the argument that to
be in favour of marriage is not to condemn other forms of relationship. Marriage, as the empirical evidence and
our Christian heritage demonstrate, is simply the optimal form of relationship
for family life. In the same way
being brought up by a stay-at-home mother is the optimal way to be brought up,
but that does not mean that other ways of being brought up are bad.
So if the Government can support marriage by supporting
motherhood, how is it doing? There
has been a repeated pledge to amend the tax system to support those who make
the commitment of marriage, yet this policy has still not been
implemented. Meanwhile the
Government has attempted to change the very definition of marriage from its
intrinsic link with motherhood by asserting that marriage now encompasses
same-sex union.
The latest controversy has been the exclusion of
stay-at-home mothers from tax-free child-care costs. So once again, whatever the rhetoric, the government simply
does not seem to believe that supporting marriage is about supporting
motherhood. By all means give the
support to mothers who have to work; but, surely the stay-at-home mother, who
has made such a socially positive commitment, should be included in this
tax-free scheme?
'... being brought up by a stay-at-home mother is the optimal way to be brought up…' A generally accepted but rarely expressed view?
ReplyDeleteShall we expand this and include the father’s role?
Optimal nurturing is being brought up by a dedicated (to each other and their children) mother and father, with supportive grandparents, who share the delivery of home-based care with only a minority amount of subcontracting to professionals, I humbly suggest. I'm sceptical same-sex parents can properly nurture their children on all matters, especially on gender/ sex issues - or do we leave this to schools now? My experience: a married then divorced father with shared care of (now) a 13-year-old and an active member of Families Need Fathers.
The lack of influence of stay-at-home parents suggests policymakers are dominated by radical feminists who, putting their careers before their children's welfare, seek to manipulate policy to eliminate the choice they found hard to make.
Recent studies, apparently, suggest children are robust to nurturing style. But how valid are these studies? An independent study on the studying of all this is needed.